Friendship. Integral to all of us, but is it something we all have?
In his book Lost Connections, Yohann Hari wrote that a 1970s American study found the most common number of close friends a person reported was three. A close friend being someone the person could turn to in a time of need. In 2004, the most common answer was zero… It goes without saying that this is a big problem.
Unfortunately, COVID-19 has forced us even further apart, I am sure we can all reflect on lost or strained friendships due to these lockdowns. And who can blame us? Keeping in touch remotely just isn’t the same. But we have to work with what we have, and use the tools available to us.
Friends are so important, in fact, there are so many benefits to friendship.
Research says friends increase our sense of purpose, boost our happiness and improve our self confidence. In addition simply having someone who accepts us, understands us and is there for us (outside of intimate relationships) is critical for our wellbeing.
Furthermore, there is now substantial evidence in sociological literature that individuals with more friends are more satisfied and happier with their lives overall. Of course, there are levels of friendship. Not everybody can be a close friend, and they don't need to be either. Sometimes people are in our lives to fulfil different roles, the key is to value all of these relationships.
During the next few weeks try the following:
Reflect on your close friendships, are you prioritising friendship?
Add in time to your calendar to check in with your friends. You don’t need long to do a few voice notes or a Facetime.
Pick up the phone and call that friend that has been drifting away. It doesn’t have to be on Zoom, you could walk and talk.
Schedule time for shared activities, boardgames or watching a film together. Shared experiences build connection, even remotely.
Now lockdowns are easing, reconnect face to face. Take this opportunity to make new friends, we are never too old to make new friends (honestly).
In a future week I want to demystify the view it becomes harder to make friends as we get older, but for now when you do reconnect be kind to yourself, it has been a draining time and take it slowly.
If you have a story about friendship from the pandemic (or otherwise!) leave a comment or send me an email.
If you enjoyed this newsletter please share with your communities. Next week will be on Social Connection in History.
Thanks for reading - see you next week!
Chris
chris@100coffeemovement.com
Nice write-up and to be honest there is way too much noise now than 1970. Pros vs Cons of Internet i.e. social media, hectic lifestyles etc.
I see friendships change and evolve as we get older and I simply believe authentic and genuine friendship can and will last a lifetime.